Ten Questions to Ask the Older Adults in Your Life

At Pennsylvania Legacy Video, we believe every person has valuable stories and wisdom to share. Carving out intentional time to ask the older adults in your life questions about their experiences can be incredibly meaningful for both parties.

For you, it’s an opportunity to feel more connected to this individual and gain wisdom and perspective in the process. For the older adult, it’s a chance to feel valued, to reflect on their lives, and to reminisce.

You don’t need a fancy camera or lighting equipment to capture your loved one’s memories—though those things are nice! You could start with a pen and paper, or, if they’re comfortable, record their answers on your phone. Some people are camera-shy or don’t want to be recorded, so sometimes a simpler approach is best.

Below is a list of questions we’ve found to be particularly resonant with the older adults we’ve interviewed. We hope they help as a starting point to connect with the older adult in your life.

1. Describe the street you grew up on.
This is a great starter question to get someone to open up. Open-ended questions using the word “describe” are generally preferable to questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”

2. Describe the music you grew up listening to.
Most people grew up enjoying music. It’s remarkable how musical trends change and define generations and cultures. Interestingly, studies actually show that the music people listened to as teens remains the most emotionally resonant for them throughout their lives. For example, in a recent PA Legacy video we completed with a writer named Linda she described her lifelong passion for music and attending concerts.

3. What are some of the smells you remember from childhood?
This sounds like a strange question to ask, but studies show smells are powerful triggers of memory and emotional responses. I always get a little teary when I get a whiff of Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds perfume and think of my Nana, or smell the distinct combination of cigarettes and Old Spice and think of my Dad.

4. Who is the oldest relative you knew growing up?
This is an interesting question that ties generations together, often reaching back into a history you never personally witnessed.

5. Describe the first time you fell in love.
This is my all-time favorite question to ask older adults. It is remarkable to see someone’s face shift and smile as they recall the first time they experienced a crush or young love. One older adult I interviewed, the valedictorian of his high school, remembered bringing his report card along to ask a girl he liked on a date. It took straight As, but she said yes!

6. Describe a time someone’s kindness made a difference in your life.
For every story video we complete, we provide the families and the older adult with a list of possible questions. This is one of the most selected questions. The responses show that even small gestures of kindness—such as returning a lost item or donating concert tickets—can be something you remember for a lifetime.

7. What are the most valuable lessons you’ve learned?
The answers we’ve heard to this question are truly profound and often unexpected. Doing this work, we know deeply that the world would be a better place if we took the time to listen to the wisdom of our elders.

8. What is your proudest moment of being my parent/relative/friend?
For our older adults who are parents, this question can be a joy to answer. Parenting is a long and challenging journey, and many are happy to share the times that made them most proud.

9. What were the hardest moments of your life?
We encourage you not to shy away from asking more difficult or emotional questions. If we have the privilege of living into old age, we will all experience trauma, grief, heartbreak, and loss. Sitting with someone while they describe these moments can be a kindness, but you always want to respect someone’s reluctance to discuss certain chapters in their life.

10. How do you want people to remember you?
This is a powerful way to conclude an interview. It allows your loved one to define their own legacy in their own words. Whether they hope to be remembered for their character, their professional achievements, or simply the way they loved their family, the answer is often a beautiful summary of what they value most in life.